Rationalizing Ratios

We just spent the past 48 hours helping my mother-in-law move house. The senior Ms. F. is a wonderful, sweet woman with severe pack rat tendencies. Among the stranger things we moved were a large piece of smoked plexiglass that used to be the door to something, eight full bottles of propane (with accompanying lamp and stove), a circa-1984 microwave oven, an ab roller, and a large piece of sheep skin.

More significantly, we moved a three-seater couch, two wing-back leather chairs, two cane-backed chairs, a chrome stool, two lawn chairs, one random unmatched black leather chair with wooden legs, and a new brown leather reclining chair, and two desk chairs with wheels. Thankfully we convinced her to give away an additional four white moulded-plastic chairs that she proclaimed were "great for when the kiddies (what kiddies?) visit -- all you have to do is hose them down if they spill anything!"

She is one woman living alone. That's a ratio of eighteen places to park a butt -- and only one butt living there. Now the ratio is 14:1.

Upon reflection, I note that our ratio is somewhere around 18 chairs for 2 people, or 9:1 if you use that fancy new math. This includes a couch and a love seat, but not the car or bicycles.

We have a lot of stuff. People have a lot of stuff, and many of us hate to part with any of it for various reasons -- sentimental ones, practical ones, frugal ones. Somewhere along the way, humans have become collectors of material goods. We want more, and more, and more. We certainly don't need it, and I'm beginning to feel like this is a wasteful and indulgent state of being. Something must be done -- what, I don't know, but whatever it is, it doesn't include my shoe collection.

On Being a Lady

I recently completed a highly intellectual quiz where it was determined that I, ValGal, am 88% girly. This percentage was based on scientifically projected questions on the number of bottles of nail polish I own and whether or not I say, "That's hot", and whether I watch The OC or Grey's Anatomy.

Finding out that I am 88% girly is like finding out that I like chocolate. Who's surprised? Anybody?

At least if I'm 88% girly it means that I know how to sit in a knee-length skirt without flashing the entire subway car. Yes, fellow females, I am talking to you. I understand that sometimes in the morning we are sleepy because we haven't had that Starbucks latte. I understand that on the way home we're exhausted from a frantic work day. Sometimes we snooze, sometimes we drift. However, this does not excuse the six to eight inch gap between your knees, Ms. Underpants.

The First Rule of Skirt Wearing is this: Knees Firmly Together. (The second rule is: Full panties, please.) Don't Be Like Lindsay/Britney/Paris. Maybe that creepy guy over there wants to see your junk, but I certainly don't.

Next time we'll focus on another serious fashion crime: Shadow toes and sandals. The horror!

I've Been Around the World and I-I-I...

I have recently become obsessed with the BBC series entitled "Planet Earth". It's been on the Discovery Channel in the US, but alas, will not be played on their Canadian counterpart. The DVDs are available for purchase at Amazon.ca and I am seriously contemplating my first ever purchase of a NATURE DOCUMENTARY. This puts me officially in the following categories: old, boring, lame, and finally, my parents. When I was little, my parents were voracious followers of Jacques Cousteau, Sir David Attenborough, and the like. We taped (on VHS and Beta, remember Beta?) thousands of hours of nature documentaries highlighting the mating habits of dung beetles and watching a pride of lions devour a bloodied wildebeest carcass after an exhaustive chase. As a result, I have actively rejected the nature documentary... until now.

Even the mere snippets of Planet Earth that I have seen have only made me even more eager to see and experience this glorious planet that we live on. It was thrilling to see featured places we have already experienced -- Machu Picchu, the Galapagos Islands, the Great Wall, Kilimanjaro, lions and leopards on safari, the great cities of Beijing, Tokyo and Shanghai -- and realize how fortunate we have been already. It was even more exciting to see views of the Great Pyramids, Mt. Everest, Ayres Rock, the Sydney Opera House, Ankgor Wat, Emperor penguins in Antarctica, the Grand Canyon... I could go on.

The world is waiting.

If anyone's curious, take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuODA7jxvok

Also, if anyone already owns the Planet Earth DVDs and wants to lend them to me... you know how to find me!

My Momma Always Said...

That whole thing about how if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all -- for a while I haven't had anything really nice to say about anything anywhere at any time, ever -- so I haven't. Of course, I realize that I am not by nature what anyone would describe as "nice", but whatever. I had nothing good to say.

But now... life is good. Sanity has prevailed, and everything that is good in the world has been restored.

For example:

1. Sun is shining, skies are clearing, flowers are blooming.
2. I made the best Asian coleslaw-and-chicken salad ever tonight.
3. I'm knitting a pair of completely adorable thrummed (not a typo, it says thrummed, though they are also thumbed) mittens -- ON THE ROUND. People, do you know what this means? I'm knitting on the ROUND. And THRUMMING.
4. My sister bought me the most comfortable lounging pants in the world, and now it's finally warm enough for me to wear them.
5. New shoes.
6. New jeans.
7. New tops.
8. New dress. Uh... yeah. I could go on and on.
9. My family rules. I love you all!
10. My husband. My husband, my husband, my husband.

Now that I will theoretically have lots to talk about, I will be updating you on my meanderings more regularly. Lucky you!

One Two Three... Four Five Six... Seven Eight Nine...

There are as many pimples on my face as there are spots at the damn Ladybug Picnic.

If I was going to be stuck with the skin of a sixteen year old, you'd think I could at least have her boobs too. Grrr.

Cart Stalking

Do you ever check out what other people have in their grocery carts while waiting in line at the cash? I'm astonished at what people buy sometimes -- why is that man buying eight boxes of Bran Buds, for example? I also wonder if people do the same to me, and it makes me super-self-conscious on the days I'm buying for a party (I SWEAR!) and makes me want to justify the chips, the dip, the sugar, the pop. Worst was being in the store with my friend (I SWEAR! Not me!) as she bought tampons, laxatives, condoms, and yeast infection treatment all at once. I don't know how she could have topped herself.

Yesterday I watched as a woman purchased a massive 10kg bag of MAXX kitty litter and a bean burrito. She also had wanted to buy an apple, but didn't have enough cash, so she put the apple back. My question is, how does a huge bag of kitty litter veto an apple? Why not just buy a smaller bag of litter? Is it a kitty litter emergency?

Val's Virtuous Veggie Challenge

For a few months now, I've made it a point to try a new vegetable every time I go to the grocery store (so, about once a week. Okay, exactly once a week, on Thursdays, right after spinning and boot camp are done at 9:00... what can I say? I'm a creature of habit.)

Most recently I've tried the following:

Napa cabbage (meh, but I probably didn't cook it properly)
Kohlrabi (meh)
Pattypan squash (not exactly new, but reintroduced after a long hiatus, and yum!)
Collard greens (yum, but they don't count as a vegetable if they're cooked in BACON FAT)
Chinese yard-long beans (also not new, but I've never cooked them myself -- and yum)
Rapini (yuck the first time, yum the second)
Fava beans (yum!)
Fennel (yum!)
Leeks (yum, after a lifetime of loathing)

I like almost all other vegetables with the exception of the poor eggplant, which makes my tongue itch. I adore brussels sprouts.

Last week there was a challenge on another website I visit (and shall remain anonymous, because I'm about to mock them) where members were asked to try a new vegetable that week. I was shocked by the results.

One member tried asparagus, which she had had before, but only in butter and garlic, and this time she had it with balsamic vinegar. She thought it was okay and might try it again.

Another member had broccoli, but this time she added it to her pasta, and normally she just makes it on the side. She really really liked this.

Oh, and a third member had sweet potatoes for the first time and counted that as her new vegetable.

There are actually people in this world who do not eat vegetables as a staple part of their daily diet. There are people who count iceberg lettuce on a hamburger as a veggie serving. Some people never eat anything that once had roots, grew in soil, gathered sunlight and nourishment from the earth, photosynthesized, grew seeds, grew leaves, or was harvested, unless it comes in the form of a loaf of white bread or a potato chip.

The Canada Food Guide recommends five to ten servings of fruit and vegetables per day. One serving is half a cup of fresh, frozen, or canned vegetable or a medium piece of fruit. Even a half of a cup of juice counts as a serving. How can so many people fall so desperately short of these guidelines when it's so easy and tasty to meet them?

I wonder what delights await me in the produce aisle this week! I challenge everyone to do the same: try something new, keep an open mind, and let me know how it went!