Rationalizing Ratios

We just spent the past 48 hours helping my mother-in-law move house. The senior Ms. F. is a wonderful, sweet woman with severe pack rat tendencies. Among the stranger things we moved were a large piece of smoked plexiglass that used to be the door to something, eight full bottles of propane (with accompanying lamp and stove), a circa-1984 microwave oven, an ab roller, and a large piece of sheep skin.

More significantly, we moved a three-seater couch, two wing-back leather chairs, two cane-backed chairs, a chrome stool, two lawn chairs, one random unmatched black leather chair with wooden legs, and a new brown leather reclining chair, and two desk chairs with wheels. Thankfully we convinced her to give away an additional four white moulded-plastic chairs that she proclaimed were "great for when the kiddies (what kiddies?) visit -- all you have to do is hose them down if they spill anything!"

She is one woman living alone. That's a ratio of eighteen places to park a butt -- and only one butt living there. Now the ratio is 14:1.

Upon reflection, I note that our ratio is somewhere around 18 chairs for 2 people, or 9:1 if you use that fancy new math. This includes a couch and a love seat, but not the car or bicycles.

We have a lot of stuff. People have a lot of stuff, and many of us hate to part with any of it for various reasons -- sentimental ones, practical ones, frugal ones. Somewhere along the way, humans have become collectors of material goods. We want more, and more, and more. We certainly don't need it, and I'm beginning to feel like this is a wasteful and indulgent state of being. Something must be done -- what, I don't know, but whatever it is, it doesn't include my shoe collection.

On Being a Lady

I recently completed a highly intellectual quiz where it was determined that I, ValGal, am 88% girly. This percentage was based on scientifically projected questions on the number of bottles of nail polish I own and whether or not I say, "That's hot", and whether I watch The OC or Grey's Anatomy.

Finding out that I am 88% girly is like finding out that I like chocolate. Who's surprised? Anybody?

At least if I'm 88% girly it means that I know how to sit in a knee-length skirt without flashing the entire subway car. Yes, fellow females, I am talking to you. I understand that sometimes in the morning we are sleepy because we haven't had that Starbucks latte. I understand that on the way home we're exhausted from a frantic work day. Sometimes we snooze, sometimes we drift. However, this does not excuse the six to eight inch gap between your knees, Ms. Underpants.

The First Rule of Skirt Wearing is this: Knees Firmly Together. (The second rule is: Full panties, please.) Don't Be Like Lindsay/Britney/Paris. Maybe that creepy guy over there wants to see your junk, but I certainly don't.

Next time we'll focus on another serious fashion crime: Shadow toes and sandals. The horror!

I've Been Around the World and I-I-I...

I have recently become obsessed with the BBC series entitled "Planet Earth". It's been on the Discovery Channel in the US, but alas, will not be played on their Canadian counterpart. The DVDs are available for purchase at Amazon.ca and I am seriously contemplating my first ever purchase of a NATURE DOCUMENTARY. This puts me officially in the following categories: old, boring, lame, and finally, my parents. When I was little, my parents were voracious followers of Jacques Cousteau, Sir David Attenborough, and the like. We taped (on VHS and Beta, remember Beta?) thousands of hours of nature documentaries highlighting the mating habits of dung beetles and watching a pride of lions devour a bloodied wildebeest carcass after an exhaustive chase. As a result, I have actively rejected the nature documentary... until now.

Even the mere snippets of Planet Earth that I have seen have only made me even more eager to see and experience this glorious planet that we live on. It was thrilling to see featured places we have already experienced -- Machu Picchu, the Galapagos Islands, the Great Wall, Kilimanjaro, lions and leopards on safari, the great cities of Beijing, Tokyo and Shanghai -- and realize how fortunate we have been already. It was even more exciting to see views of the Great Pyramids, Mt. Everest, Ayres Rock, the Sydney Opera House, Ankgor Wat, Emperor penguins in Antarctica, the Grand Canyon... I could go on.

The world is waiting.

If anyone's curious, take a look: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EuODA7jxvok

Also, if anyone already owns the Planet Earth DVDs and wants to lend them to me... you know how to find me!